Watch out for Fred Armisen portraying David Paterson SNL “Weekend Update.” Saturday Night Live returned to the TV screens for the start of its 36th season last night.

Video:

Transcript:

GOV. DAVID PATERSON: Stop, stop, stop! This has gone on long enough.

SETH MEYERS: Gov. Paterson.

PATERSON: That’s right, Seth, the real deal. Not some cheap imitation, just classic Paterson. Say, I see you’re still sporting the beard.

FRED ARMISEN (as Paterson): Yes, I am.

PATERSON: I shaved that off a year ago. Are you blind?

ARMISEN: Touché.

PATERSON: Ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to come here tonight before my time as governor of the great state of New York ends, and to tell you that working in Albany is just like watching Saturday Night Live. There are a lot of characters. It’s funny for ten minutes, and then you just want it to be over.

MEYERS: We apologize if we upset you.

PATERSON: It’s OK. It happens. I upset people all the time. It’s kinda my thing. But while I have a good sense of humor, jokes that degrade people solely for the fact that they have disabilities are sophomoric and stupid. I have a disability, but for the last two and a half years, I seem to be one of the few people in the country who can see what we need to do.

It’s as if you think it impedes someone from being governor. As governor, I’ve kept the budget in balance; cut $42 billion of deficit; we have not been passing out any IOUs; I’m blind; I’m governor; and I’m still alive. Now how much better do you want me to be?

AMY POEHLER: Well, Governor, we are really sorry.

PATERSON: Sorry? You should be sorry. You have poked so much fun at me for being governor, that I forgot that I was black.

MEYERS: Governor, I think I speak for everyone here that we’ll be more respectful of the blind.

PATERSON: Well, I certainly hope so, because blind Americans are incredibly capable and we also rely on our other senses as well.

MEYERS: So it’s true that your other senses are heightened.

PATERSON: Oh, absolutely. For instance, just by my sense of smell, I can tell that there are 15 people in this audience from New Jersey.

ARMISEN: That’s a good one, Governor.

PATERSON: Thank you, Governor.

MEYERS: The honorable David ‘Patersons,’ everybody!